People are only kind

Been over a month since I last wrote. This forum to purge my thoughts, few there may be. 4 weeks and so much had changed, but more have stayed the same. Stubbornly stagnant. I've sat my exams. The point of my existence once again lost. It was, to all intents and purposes, a complete disaster. Initially, ignorance was bliss. Stepping out of the exam room, I thought, that wasn't too bad. I felt I understood the patient. It made sense to me why he became depressed at that stage of his life. However, it eventually dawned on me, the cardinal mistake that I've made - under estimate risk. My tendency to minimise along with the patient, who was already minimising, plus mistaking the antidepressant he was taking (Deptran is Doxepine but I thought it was desipramine, both tricyclics and therefore have similar side effect profiles...but still!) would certainly have sealed my fate. I don't need to wait till this Friday but already know my sentence to be a lifelong registrar. So I decided to take the plunge and enter into the unknown MOSSland. Here, at least I feel wanted. Between CARE team or out west. Reducing my carbon footprint is appealing. I would have considered working out west, if I had some time doing North team - wouldn't mind some eye candy to lighten up my day :-) I've skipped the country twice and returned. Related to the exams of course. It's striking how similar the two countries are - Australia and New Zealand. It's depressing. In fact, even made one or two new friends, suprisingly enough, especially for a recluse like me. I have to say, good old God had His hand in this. He probably gathered that I can't handle defeat alone so organised these two little angels into my life - Stella and Sumsum. Since I've almost intentionally cut myself off from my more successful classmates, I thought I better accept these graceful gifts from above... ALso finished reading a Booker - Man Booker prize winner that is, The Shipping News. Getting 1 closer to my goal of reading all the Booker prize winners. I didn't like this one much. It is beautifullryywritten nonetheless. It mourns the death of small town life for industrial globalised village that is the world. I suppose I never saw the appeal of small town life. I did, however, feel for the protagonist - Quoyle. Even his name was awkward, so his story and his life. Door mat to his wife, door mat to his daughters, and no better to his boss. May be my self pity found some solace in his defeateed spirit. I've also been disfigured - by eczema and cellulitis which is still...incredibly annoyingly itchy. In the process, learnt that shrink wannabes, are not dermatologists and should leave such consultations, to actual professionals. I looked up various internet sites, comparing my lesions to photos, bought a few concoctions, which, in the end, exacerbated rather than cure. Photos tells all :-( So now at least the redness is gone, but the papular itchy lesions persists although the GP assures me it would resolve. I've also cleaned up my friends list - deleting those that I've never met. May be I am ruthless. For all I know, they may not even exist! Strange as the world of cyber networking is. "People are only kind because life is so dirty you can't afford to have any enemies". Finally, I'm watching my favourite dvd - Power of Art, documentary by BBC. Hmm, the next trip may well need to be an art history tour of Italy...