apprentice to jedi

Finally, the apprentice is going to make jedi, shrink wannabe is going to be a shrink to be... Results actually came out on Friday but I threw away my number so I haven't been able to check til now. I was so sure I had failed the exam that I threw away all traces of the exam including the examinee number. I just didn't want to know. Well, I knew I would want to know but I didn't care. In shrink speak, it's called displacement - expressing the anger at the college / at myself, to the name badge and the paper work. But I couldn't help myself but look at the number. So it was imprinted in my memory. So on Friday, when I checked (again after much avoidance before hand) and saw the "successful", I had no way of verifying that it was me, and I had no proof apart from my own memory, that I remembered right. It's funny but the GP at where I work said, that's rather childish! And I have to agree. I thought, well, ok, I'll find out on Monday. But NO! The whole entire college seems to be on holiday because of the Melbourne Cup! So I haven't been able to check until today. And thank God I didn't remember wrong! So the relief of the exam was somewhat attenuated. It is only "relief" rather than elation. I remember when I passed my writtens, I was so excited that I rang my brother when it's midnight for them and I was on cloud 9 for ages. But now, 2 failed exams later, it's a relief. One of the consultants said to me, it's a good experience for me to learn to face my fears. I have to say, yes, it is true. I think the most precious thing I learn was the importance of seeing "the person". For someone who have always relied on external validation for self esteem, these 2 years have been an eye opener. I wouldn't say that I've learnt to only value my family and friends so much more. The mother I can never speak to telling me not to worry about exam results, do my best, and she is always there. And friends who remain my friends throughout. But perhaps even more moving for me, are the consultants who I kept helping out with practices, who kept believing that I would make a good psychiatrist, colleagues who reassured me they know I am a good doctor with or without the exam. I don't know how or why they feel this way, but I can only say that I am grateful and I consider them blessings from God. So, on the day America elected their first black president, Olivia found out she passed her clinical exams to be a psychiatrist.