acts of defiance

I was driving past Newmarket the other day. I was struck by the skeletal nature of the mannequins and the huge poster of a young woman wrapped only by her own skin. I remember watching television some time ago. A programme got their two reporters go on extreme weight loss programme. At the end, both reporters concluded that they would not go on diets because their lives were not to revolve solely around food. One of the woman commented that she did not feel like a woman at that low weight. There were also the programmes to "help" you look younger. I remember one of the goals I set out to do this year, was to define myself. I asked myself, how do I want to be known as? Yesterday I mentioned a few qualities. I thought I would expand on it. I titled this "acts of defiance" because I endeavour not to define myself by current society values. I am unique. There is no one like me on this universe. I am a creation of God. I have no need to be anyone else other than what I was meant to be. Indeed, there is NO POINT in being someone else. Over the last 31 years, I have tried to be someone else. I wanted to be liked. I spent all my time envying others - she has such a skinny frame, she is so much more intelligent, she is so friendly and caring...and I did not see, they were not me! God knows I am not the smartest tool in the shed, nor the prettiest doll on the shelf. I have been a casualty of society's constant pressure to conform. In 2008, I declare an end to this victimisation. I acknowledge my age. In a time where preservation of youth drives nearly the whole economy, I proclaim my respect to age and wisdom. I do not long to return to myself 10 years junior. I value my experiences over the last 31 years. I would not be who I am today with one day less. I will not be ashamed of my status as a single woman. For sure I would like to have a partner but at the same time, I value my independence. I will not spend any more time coveting for my prince charming to come along sweep me off my feet. I will not allow it to prevent me from enjoying the freedom and self determination in being single. The security in knowinig that I am in control is invaluable. While everyone judges on appearance, I will not define myself by my size or my face. I don't want to criticise others for spending time and money on refining their appearance. I would like to actively exclude it from the definition of me. So how would I like to be known? I am not a perfectionist. I don't have the intellectual capabilities of A grades or even B grade person. So I start at "C" and "D" instead: Conscientious in work and study Considerate Calm Dedicated to be who I was made to be Delicate in emotions Definitive in what I stand for in life