on the oppression of beauty 1

I wanted to write about "beauty". More accurately, I wanted to write about the "oppression of beauty". People are trialled and judged, every minute of the day, for the way they dress and look. Whether one admits it or not, beautiful people have an easier time than less attractive people. We criticise such judgements as superficial. We say that one should judge by character and substance. Honestly, how many of us can say that we do? Are we just kidding ourselves then? Should we be spend all our time making ourselves beautiful, as dictated by society standards of the time? Is it that bleak? I had brunch with a few other young women the other day. I can only envy their confidence, their vivaciousness and admire the ease they display, in their own skin. I know that when one feels good about oneself, others are attracted too. Yet I am just a hazard to myself. I wish I could be somebody else. I often wonder "what went wrong" in me that led me to be so self loathing. Looking back, I can blame no one but myself for my own demise. My brother and sister had more difficult upbringing but they both turned out successful and happy, even fulfilled. Why am I stuck in this rut of failure? The more I reflect, the more introverted I get, the more isolated and hopeless things are. It's not just about being thin. It's more than a need for success. Fundamentally, it's how one can accept oneself. Christians say, God loves you for who you are. He didn't make you this way for no reason. He didn't allow experiences in your life to occur without a purpose for your good. So what is my purpose? What is my passion? Is there any PERSON that can love me for me? Or am I such a bad case that only God can?