not my new year resolution

new years. never been one to make resolutions, but, over the years, getting older, one year merges into another, and another, and another. and i feel a sense of despair, "how did this happen, is it going to be just like this for the rest of my life?" "what difference would there be if i die this year or next year...or the year after that?" and i think, i must make this year count. but how? do i, (A) endeavour to do things for myself? (B) try to make a difference in the world by doing voluntary work and all? (C) let it float by because, well, really, it doesn't make any difference anyway. with my spiritual crisis, i've come to a...heritic conclusion that, it is one's choice, to believe in hope, or not. if it helps a person to cope with the inequities and inadequacies of life, then by all means, religion with the hope of ultimate rectification of all wrongs is the answer. if one is satisfied with the possibility of insignificance in the world but fulfilled by the day to day relationships and influences one have on the inner circle that surrounds him, whether God is fictional or not, is largely inconsequential. yes, blasphemy to some but i think it would be narrow minded to disregard the possibility of other views. because, we can't prove, for certain, that GOd exists, that my God is the "real one". and perhaps, it's less of an issue of "real" in the scientific sense, because science will not replace spirituality. not to mention, how one can prove that his God is the same of the next person's, makes this all the more complex issue. one's experience of God is so influenced by one's experience of relationships in the world. for myself, i opt for optomism. i choose to believe in a God. And from the limited amount I know of history and my own reasoning, Jesus, love and ultimate justice with respect for the heart, seem to make sense.